Now
The video flickered as her face faded in and out of focus. Her face seemed to shift between a soft feminine facade and a sharp, ruthless mask. S shifted in her chair. Her back was sweating profusely as she paused the video to give herself a second. Her thoughts were racing but she had to see this video. She felt like she didn’t have enough time.
“I recorded this to tell my truth.” She could hear her heart beating as loud as a drum “And S, if you are watching, this is to let them know that you ended me”
September 5th, 2003
She sunk her teeth into S’s thigh till little drops of blood spread across her teeth. She moved back, and smiled at her with a bloody grin, while S softly sobbed. The blood oozed out of the teeth-shaped indents on her pale skin and her sobs slowly morphed into wails. Her tears were torrents as her blood-curdling screams echoed through the hall. The babysitter ran into the room to a shocking sight- an infant with blood dripping from her mouth, laughing and playing with her toys and a toddler bawling in the corner, her ivory skin now scarlet.
February 20th, 2017
“Mom, I’m getting late for school! Where is L?”, S screamed as she braided her hair and scarfed her breakfast down voraciously. Her mother was shuffling around the kitchen, putting their lunch together, and didn’t bother. “It’s 8 already! Get your lazy-ass down here!” L swayed into the dining room, her hair dripping from her last-minute bath, the smell of strawberries wafting around her. “You have to calm down, darling. The teachers aren’t going to mind”, her sister said, blowing her a kiss and took a sip of the milky coffee. S stormed outside towards the car, slamming the door behind her. “Stop being so laid back, L. You’re going to be sixteen soon.”, her mother muttered softly. She shrugged her shoulders as she floated outside and plopped into the car.
“You think you can get me in trouble, S?”, she smirked at her sister. “You’re never going to be on time this year, you know.”
July 19th, 2011
The parents flooded into the school gates for the Parent-Teacher conference, eager to boast their kid’s achievements and show them off their trophies. S’s class was filled with over-achievers, and S led the pack. She didn’t like letting her parents down. “Your daughter always makes us proud, Mrs. K. She is doing so well, and I hope she continues to do so.”, the teacher smiled, placing the report card on her cold stiff palms. “How is your younger daughter doing?” This made her mother shift uncomfortably in the plastic chair. “Yes, yes, we’re trying to improve her performance… Frankly it’s a bit of an uphill battle”, she said, forcing a smile on her taciturn face.
As she walked into L’s class, the other parents looked at her with sympathy. She hated that look of pity, as if her daughter was a huge burden on her shoulders, an albatross around her neck. She swiftly walked towards the class teacher, collected the report card with a curt nod and walked away with a grim face. She wouldn’t open her younger daughter’s card till she was home. She didn’t want to be publicly pitied again.
December 31st, 2014
“Your younger daughter is nowhere to be seen, Mrs. K? Still getting ready?”, the guest enquired, startling Mrs. K. “Oh… no, no. She has shifted to boarding school. She’s there right now!”. The guest looked at her with a distinct sense of confusion. “She insisted that it help improve her grades…as you know.” Mrs. K moved on to greeting the next guest.
“They sent her off to boarding school! Was she in such a bad state?”, S’s friend whispered into her ear. “Can we not talk about this? I miss her…”
March 18th, 2005
It was the perfect spring day. No piercing heat, just a faint buzz of insects as they whizzed and reverberated through the sticky air. The sweet smell of hibiscus scented the backyard. Mrs. K walked onto the wet grass to find S’s eyes red with tears, her cries now unbearable. “S…what happ–”, before she could complete her sentence, she saw why. The kitten lay on the blood-matted grass, its neck grossly twisted at a sickening angle and the eyes now glass. “How did this happen S sweetie?”, her mother asked her, lifting her up. She didn’t see L lying on the grass nearby. “L…L…”, was all the little girl could muster. “L…did you hurt Kitty?” her mother asked her, grabbing her arm forcefully. “No mommy…I love Kitty”. She couldn’t believe the words coming out of L’s twisted mouth. She couldn’t comprehend how a child could be so cruel.
A Month Back
L hauled her luggage onto the front porch while the others watched from the drawing room. No one went out to help her and she didn’t wait for them to. S walked in and ran to help her sister carry her suitcase. “You don’t have to help me”, she said, her eyes now devoid of emotion. “L… it’s me. You can always lean on me. You know, right?” L shoved the suitcase into S’s hands and ran to her bedroom. S dragged it inside the house while her parents looked sullen and unfazed by their daughter’s action. It was nothing new- a daughter who they were glad had moved out had returned, and they knew exactly what to expect from her.
July 14th, 2012
“A year has gone by L! A year! Do you know how much a person can do in a year? You have no value for what we do. No respect for me, your mother, or even your sister. I don’t know what words of advice I should give a child who cares about nothing.”, her father yelled, tears already on the brim of L’s eyes. “Your daughter…your daughter stole money from her classmates. She failed in three of her subjects. For God’s sake, L, you’re smart! Leave the academics… why did you feel the need to steal? Tell me L! Tell me!”
L looked down, concentrating on the broken tile on the floor, with which she resonated. She didn’t respond- neither tears nor arguments. She finally looked directly into S’s eyes and she turned on her foot, went upstairs and locked the door, while her father’s screams echoed through the house.
A Fortnight Back
“Should I go check if she wants to eat dinner?”, S asked, with a plate of food in her hands. “I don’t know how you have this patience, S. I don’t have the energy to deal with her… why don’t you try anyway? She seems to listen only to you.”, her father replied. “We are so proud of you, S…”, her mother said, caressing her cheek. S almost let out a sigh but stopped herself.
S knocked the door and there was no retort. No sound from within, nothing but silence. “L…you can’t starve yourself. Please, open the door, let me in. Let’s talk, like old times. Please?” The door opened with a soft creak and S walked in, like a soldier who had won over the undefeated fortress.
A Week Back
The door vibrated with each bang, and the S’s hands were now bruised pink. “Open the door, L! Open it! I have had enough of this nonsense.”, she yelled as she banged against the door with her shoulder, as it gave away slowly with every hit. There was no reply, so she kept hitting it, kicking it till she fell into a pool of crimson. The floor was red and sticky, and a sharp and metallic smell hit their nostrils. “Oh God. Oh God…what did you do L!” she said, sinking to the door jamb. She found her sister, her skin ghastly white, her lips purple and swollen, and her wrists slit deep, the blood around her almost black. Her hair was stuck to her forehead, and the rest matted and crusted with vermilion. Her eyes lay open, almost crystalline. The only thing that could be heard in a room of four people was the sound of three breathing.
Yesterday
“The inspector just called. They conducted the autopsy…”, her mother whispered to her. Her mother’s skin had aged in a matter of days, and S couldn’t recall the last time she had smiled. “I never thought such a day would come. I always assumed she will realise her mistakes one day and change for the better.”, she said, believing every word leaving her mouth. S patted her mother’s back and pulled her into her arms, cradling her in warmth.
Now
The screen shone on S’s face, the small beads of sweat glistening on her forehead. L’s raspy voice echoed through the empty room. “S. The perfect child. The perfect student. The perfect everything, right?”, the ghost said, smiling through the LED screen. She laughed, her head tilting backwards and her sharp shoulders shuddered. ‘When was the last time she laughed’, S asked herself.
“WRONG!”, she continued to snigger. “Oh S. How you fooled everyone with your perfect etiquette and manipulative charm. I remember in fifth grade… when my math score broke your record. Remember how angry you were? Remember how you came into our room and locked the door? Do you remember what you did next?” her sister’s eyes were now teary. “You pushed me against the wall, and choked me with your palms, lifting me off the ground by an inch. And you whispered in your sickly- sweet voice that if I ever score more than you… you wouldn’t stop choking me?”
S leaned forward, paying more attention now. “Do you remember our kitten? Who we brainlessly named Kitty?” Her tears were prominent, and her voice cracked sporadically. “I loved her S. I loved her so much… and she loved me too. She hated you. She scratched you and ran away from you because she knew how ugly you were on the inside. And…and…what did you do?’, she asked her, choking back her sobs. “You took her life in front of me, with a grin on your face. Without a second thought.”
“I thought moving away would help and to some extent, it did. I was trying to improve, but you couldn’t stand it, could you?” she moved back from the frame, as if she was going to get something behind her. “No one will believe me S… both of us know that. I tried many times. No friends, no teachers… hell, my own parents don’t believe me. But I thought doing this will give me some credibility, don’t you think?”, she said, smiling with a dark smirk. “All those times you whispered into my ear- ‘You aren’t worth anything L. You are just a thing that walks and talks.’ Without the pitiful sister who spirals into nothingness, how can you be the idolised daughter? That’s why you put up with the ‘sister’ farce. You promised me that I could lean on you.”
“What you told me that day gave me the courage, S. The courage to do this. When you walked in, I thought I was getting a second chance. How foolish I am. You told me that you didn’t need me anymore, that my own parents didn’t need me anymore. You leaned on my shoulder and caressed my neck and whispered ‘L… go ahead, tell your story. Let’s see who wins?’”
“So, I listened to you one last time darling. I won’t be mum anymore… I told my story. I know you won’t care about this, but at least mom and dad will…if they don’t, then I will keep telling my story again and again. Goodbye, then darling”, she said, and the screen went blank.
S shifted in her seat and leaned back. With a small, a wiry grin stretched across her face, she closed the video as something shifted within her. ‘Goodbye, sister’, she whispered, her grin still intact. Her mother and father shifted uncomfortably behind her, shivering yet unwavering in support. “I don’t know why she wanted us to see that… I guess she always wanted to be better than you, S sweetie. It’s good that you found this before they did… Good, good. Could you delete this and make sure no one sees it again?”, her mother enquired in an emotionless raspy voice. S nodded, as she erased the file and corrupted the disk.
S fell into her parents’ arms, quivering with what could neither be described as despair nor joy. “The autopsy confirmed the death as suicide, S sweetie. It wasn’t your fault. It was a mistake, right? It’s all going to be okay, don’t you worry”, her father said, stroking her hair gently. “It’s all going to be fine” With S’s face was buried in their arms and engulfed by their belief, she finally let out a satisfied sigh. “It’s all going to be fine”, she said, her lips curved up in a smile.
© Ananya Nidamangala Srinivasa
Ananya Nidamangala Srinivasa 